I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
