I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize