what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
