Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You smell like stripper and shame
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
