so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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