She is in my trunk
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize