While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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