i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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