Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this just has baby written all over it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
