So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
