That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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