I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
