Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
