What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
