no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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