I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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