I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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