Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
