my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
