I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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