I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
