Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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