PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize