smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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