..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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