Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
