I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
