Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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