sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
