every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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