So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
