I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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