do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
