So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
