Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
