just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
