I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am midnight drunk by noon
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
