My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
