No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
