but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
