my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
