some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just found a bag of teeth...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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