Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
