So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
