Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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