also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
