ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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