Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
