I want to stick my p in your. b.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
