Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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