did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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