bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
