You're my little dorito
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
