so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
