I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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