I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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