How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
