her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
