I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
