What did we do last night that was yellow?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
