I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
