Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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