If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
