I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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