I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
