And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
