the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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