Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
