garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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