I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
