i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
