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I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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