Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
