I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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