It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
