I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
