Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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