yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
